Flailure
I have used an Xbox Kinect precisely once. I was buying a HDMI cable at Fry’s Electronics and, breaking my rule of spending as little time there as possible, I stepped up to the in-store demo for a bout of Kinectimals. This lasted three minutes.
It’s not that I don’t get the appeal. I recognize there’s a substantial portion of the population that, when they’re slaying virtual dragons, actually wants to flail their arms in panic. By and large, it’s the same folks that the Wii was marketed to, or prior to the introduction of these systems, were really into Dance Dance Revolution. Every attempt by someone in this camp to get me to join has been met with resounding failure and embarrassment. For instance, to the outside observer, my attempt at Dance Dance Revolution resembles someone who discovers a bunch of cockroaches at a rave and just starts taking care of business.
I have a similar adverse reaction to voice-controlled games (which the Kinect is also capable of playing). My dad is the kind of person who occasionally yells at the TV when watching sports. While I am already beginning to resemble my old man by way of a penchant for oversized wool sweaters and Coors Light, I have yet to utter the phrase “Just give the damn ball to LaMichael!” Doing this while playing video games, even in the privacy of my own home, would be intensely silly, and probably not productive. Penny Arcade accurately summed up why in yesterday’s cartoon.
Essentially, all motion/voice controlled technothings fail at the two basic rules required of any successful gadget.
1. Does it make my life easier? Essentially no. This is an ironic problem for most of the so-called “Natural User Interfaces” (e.g. Kinect, Apple’s Siri, multi-touch displays, etc.). Society has spent roughly the last 30 years beating the necessity of typing into us, so I suppose it’s only natural that we’d forget how to point at things, or you know, talk more good. But the reality is that every problem these voice/motion controlled devices present themselves as a solution for, I can solve faster and easier with a keyboard and mouse. For instance, not a day goes by when I don’t fantasize about finding a thin, light keyboard for my iPad. Then I remember I have a laptop.
2. Is it cool? Resoundingly no. Even the people who are really into Kinect and Wii (be honest, nobody owns a Playstation Move) are still using a product that comes with instructions on how to avoid knocking over the lamp in their living room. People just look objectively stupid using it. It doesn’t necessarily decrease the fun factor, but you don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars to wave your arms, jump around and yell. You can do that outside for free, arguably with better results. Even Siri on the iPhone has lost some of her luster. After the initial fun of reenacting dialog from 2001: A Space Odyssey, or asking her to find you hookers, it’s still more productive to just use Google. Bonus: you don’t look like a crazy person.
Any annoyance I might feel about this trend is tempered by the resignation that most computers, games, phones, flying cars, whatever, are probably going to have some version of voice/motion commands in the future. The last thing I want is for my kids and grandkids to stare at me in a mixture of pity and wonder as I ask them where I can plug in my 6-axis dual shock controller. Although come to think of it, most of the people I know already have this reaction.
