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Lonely Planet: Zombie Apocalypse Gear Edition

I am an unashamed Walking Dead fanboy. Do I care that, at times, the characters on the show are unlikeable or suffer from a confusing lack of motivation? No. Do I have a problem with Season 2 spending the majority of its airtime on an existential search for meaning, as opposed to bashing Zombies? No, at least not after the barn-burner of a season finale. Do I care that the characters all seem to suffer from a perpetual lack of preparedness? Actually, yes this kind of bothers me.

All horror/survival shows tend to exist in an alternate universe where that particular genre doesn’t exist (with the notable exception of Scream).  TWD is particularly guilty of this. All of the characters - even down-to-earth, delightfully nerdy, Portal-playing Glen - have had to relearn the basics of zombie apocalypse survival, because apparently none of them have ever seen 28 Days Later or Night of the Living Dead.  Sure, they’ve got the guns and ammo part down, but I chalk that more up to it being in the South, more than anything else.

Here’s some tips for gear they should pick up, next time the group goes into town to raid an REI:

Trek Soho Deluxe - As hard as Shane rolls in his Hyundai Tucson, the fact is your average zombie will hear you coming a mile away (subtlety was never his strength anyway). Plus, you don’t want to run out of gas when you’re trying to evade the herd. Bikes are light, simple, gas-free and are just more practical for post-apocalypse mobility. This model from Trek offers upright bars to help you keep your head on a swivel, cargo racks for hauling your gear, and a belt-drive system instead of a chain for lower maintenance and longer life.

Crowbar - Anyone who’s ever played Half-Life knows that the trusty crowbar is your best friend. Whether you need to break into a boarded up safe-house or dispense with a shambling ghoul, the elegance of this blunt instrument is matched only by its utilitarianism.

Laminated map - That fancy turn-by-turn navigation on your iPhone isn’t worth the $9.99 you pay AT&T now, and it’ll be worth even less once all of the in-store sales reps try to start eating your brain. Plus, where are you going to keep it charged Mr. hip guy? On the flip side of the problem, paper maps are notoriously difficult to fold, keep dry and not burn for warmth. While you’ll hear some noob zombie survival experts tell you to go for a cloth or canvas map, take into consideration its readability when soaked in blood. Laminated maps wipe clean, don’t burn and fold easily. Get one of these.

Pure Bottle - Staying hydrated in the zombie apocalypse is second only to not getting bitten, but really, the two go hand in hand. Outrunning the horde can work up quite a sweat, and with city utilities most likely out of commission, finding clean drinking water might be a bit tricky. This prototype UV sterilizing water bottle seems to be just what the doctor ordered, so look for something similar when scouring for supplies. In a pinch, you can always get a Brita, self-filtering bottle, but remember, those don’t eliminate bacteria, so boil your drink first. Perhaps your group can bond over a zombie apocalypse tea.

Walmart sock packs - Fact: doing laundry keeps you in one place, renders you immobile and exposes you to danger. While it may be tempting to forego laundry all together, all the walking/running in terror you’ll be doing isn’t good hygiene, and from what I hear, trench-foot is marginally more unpleasant than zombification. Avoid all this by raiding Walmart’s socks and underwear section. Prices have been rolled back to free for the duration of the zombie outbreak.

Every blog I’ve started follows a similar progression: (1) Flurry of activity, followed by (2) Flame out.  This latest blog is no exception, although I chalk it up to the epic time-suck that is graduate school. I should have known better than to try to start a blog as a working student, but here we are.

What have I been up to in the intervening weeks?

• A discussion with my MBA cohort on the phenomenon of bronies.
• Randomly watched, became hooked on, and subsequently rage-quit Downton Abbey - within the span of about a week and a half.
• Wrote, rewrote and rewrote group business plan assignment again.
• Other associated tedium.

Resolution for the coming term: blog more.  Regular posts to resume shortly.

Treehugger has a survey up on its site right now, titled “Should Environmentalists Cheer Electric Cars?”  When I checked in nearly 80% said yes.  If they were smart, they’d say no.

Granted, this is an unscientific survey (as most voluntary internet polls are), but still, this is surprising.

To Treehugger’s credit, they bring up some good points regarding why cars, and not necessarily the fuel that powers them, are the real problem.  This is a particularly good one, cribbed from The Conundrum, by David Owen:

“The major carbon spewing energy drain in a sprawling American suburb isn’t the car in the driveway, it’s the driveway. That is, it’s everything the car makes possible and necessary; the oversized house, the three bay garage, the manicured yard, the unused swimming pool, the miles of connecting asphalt, the redundant utilities, the schools, the hospitals, the shopping malls, and all the other accoutrements of inefficient suburban living- none of which would exist on anything like the same scale if residents were less able to move around at will. Cars are consumption amplifiers; driving is the pump that enlarges the sprawl balloon.”

This is pretty spot on.  For instance, gasoline isn’t causing rampant obesity, sitting on our collective asses and eating a bunch of fast food is.  Cars enable both of those things.  Similarly, if we make driving easier, or switch to a fuel that costs pennies per kilowatt instead of $4 per gallon, we’re just going to see more sprawl, more strained infrastructure and a renewed pattern of urban decay.

Do I think cars like the Tesla or the Chevy Volt are cool?  Sure.  Is driving a Prius better than driving a Suburban?  Of course.  But with gas getting more expensive, oil production at capacity and more people choosing to live in urban areas, we have a great opportunity to redesign how we get around.  Pouring all these resources into electric cars will just enable the old habits and keep us from building something truly great.

TV tech: Hipster bicycles on Downton Abbey

I’m still hesitant about jumping on the Downton Abbey bandwagon. Especially when the other major overproduced melodrama on television features zombies. But being the nerd I am, I have noticed some awesome retro tech amid the droll witticisms and aristocratic intrigue.

Exhibit A: the 1901-1910 Raleigh:

This thing was a triumph of British engineering - not to be confused with an actual Triumph. And, at 28 pounds, it was like a tank built for comfort. Brooks saddle. 26” tires. Usually included a rear luggage rack. Instead of cables for the brakes, these older bikes are readily distinguished by their rod-actuated brakes, also known as stirrup brakes. Basically, instead of a cable to pull the brake pads toward the rims, a fixed steel rod is used to pull the pads upward into contact with the front rim. 

Bicycle superstar Sheldon Brown had this to say about these old Raleighs:

“From the mid 19th century, well into the 20th, the word “steel” was magic in Britain. Britain’s rise to an industrial superpower on the crest of the Industrial Revolution was based, as much as anything else, on the steel industry and the new technologies it made possible: steel ships, steel bridges, steel buildings…and steel bicycles. Raleigh originally introduced the slogan “The All Steel Bicycle” to differentiate Raleighs from competitors who used cast iron for some critical parts, a heavier and cruder technology.

The fact that Raleigh 3-speeds are made of steel shouldn’t fool you into thinking that these bikes were cheap or inferior in any way…they were not…they were the finest utility bicycles money could buy.”

Only the finest for the Crawleys.